Look to the Future!

I’ve achieved a lot since I came to Japan. I can read katakana like a boss. I’ve eaten the entire Big America series of hamburgers from McDonalds. I saw a Rock act that wouldn’t have bothered coming to New Zealand. I’ve made a rainbow coalition of friends and taught 4 schools that learning English is 60% practice and 40% reckless insanity.
But I recently hit a big milestone in my life. I’ve heard it described as ‘the dirty 30s’ which sounds awesome because I was well sick of showering. I managed to combine my birthday party with achieving a goal of mine that has been boiling in my soul for half a lifetime. I was told more than once that it was the best night out some people had ever had. That's not good news, because that means I've peaked. Where do I go from here!? Well, it seemed like a good opportunity to quickly revise my goals for life in Japan and in general for the coming year. If you have any to add, I am happy to take them under advisement. But please remember, this is my life we’re talking about.
So nothing ridiculous.

My Goals for the Future (in no particular order)

1. Successfully petition Ghibli Studio’s to make an anime about my life. I alright wrote the script. It can be found at www.peeweethekiwi.blogspot.com
2. Ride one of those car elevator things. Whether I’m in a car or not is entirely inconsequential.

3. Photograph a Japanese person at the exact moment I bikuri shita (big surprise) their face by daring to be not Japanese.

Just one gaijin can be all it takes to cause a 'dropped pancake face' epidemic.

4. Bejewel something I own completely. Bejewel it to the extent that were it an animal that animal would asphyxiate.
5. Purchase either a turtle or women’s underpants from a vending machine. A turtle wearing women’s underpants is worth double points. Then bejewel the shit out of it.

One of these has to have a turtle in it.

6. Start a charity that donates used stools to underprivileged “stand up” noodle bars.

 Preliminary slogan idea: Stand up against seatlessness. Donate your stool.
7. Fight an oni to death in the forest.

Pretty much one comment about his Mum should be enough to start some shit.

8. Form my own Visual Kei band. Call it Six 14 Happy Riot Parfait Mega.

Visual Kei means never having to say you're sorry.

I don’t want to overextend myself, so I will leave it at eight for now. What are your goals for this year?