Jitensha Adventure!

Some people search their entire lives for meaning in this bleak, cold world. Those people need to jitensha! Jitensha is a noun. Jitensha is a verb (I have decided). Jitensha is a way of life. I myself have recently experienced the joy of jitensha. You could even say that jitensha has prompted me to get back on the jitensha and jitensha my way back into your hearts through my blog. My blog about jitensha.

I work at four different schools within the same district. If you were to map them they would make a very distorted square, like a square that was dropped on its head as a baby.

There came the day last Friday when I was at my Elementary School and I realized I had left my portable hard drive – which has all of my resources (and blogs) – at my Thursday school. Oh noes! Despite the fact that I do this every other week, I was distressed. But my first period was free. Maybe I had time to go and get it? Unfortunately the other school was the farthest from the one I was now at. A dilemma of Pythagorean proportions!

Pythagorean Theorem: Where a plus b equals Son of a Bitch!

I told my Kyotou Sensei that I had forgotten my hard drive (“Ah, long cord” as she calls it) and asked her whether she thought I could get to this other school and back in one period. “Walking?” she said, making the little yellow pages symbol with her fingers. I nodded. Then a look of beatific calm came over her face. She spoke the word with a quiet strength that I had never heard before and probably never will again, “Jitensha!”

Now, at this time for all I knew, jitensha was Japanese for “no chance!” I did what I always do in these situations: nod and repeat. “Jitensha” I said sagely.

Then the school secretary got in on the act. Apparently jitensha is like Beetlejuice, you say it a certain number of times and something magical happens.

Jitensha!

He jumped out of his chair. “Jitensha!” and ushered me out of the staffroom. We entered the bichikusouko (or storeroom when I'm not showing off). And there it was. Jitensha.

It stood there like it didn’t give a fuck. It was facing the other way; Jitensha wouldn’t even look at me. Then the school Principal arrived with its battery. Remember, it’s this man’s job to run the entire school. I think he just wanted to touch the jitensha. This is the jitensha equivalent of taking a meeting with no pants on. I know some US Presidents used to do that sort of thing. This just made me respect jitensha even more.

As further proof that it takes a village to raise jitensha from its thrice-cursed hellbed of awesomeness, none of the three staff who had so far assisted me in my quest stuck around to explain how to actually use the thing. That job was left to the school’s teaching assistant. Bless her; she is just the nicest and smallest Japanese girl I have ever met. So she could not hope to fathom the relationship that was already forming between jitensha and myself. She got as far as, “Don’t press this button while you’re-” before I cut her off.

“I don’t have time for this,” I told her. “I have to ride.” I was going to ride this thing like a man: recklessly and without using the instructions.

And maybe some flying.

As I adeptly wobbled down the hallway, two columns of 6^th graders marched around the corner. “Get out of the way!” I bellowed, followed by “Jitensha!” Each column hit their respective wall. As I zoomed by, I could see the mixture of admiration and terror on the faces of the students. It was a look I recognized from my English classes. Before any of them had a chance to holler an encouraging “Jitensha!” back to me, I was out of the school gate and gone.

Now at this point you may be feeling like I really built this up to be more than it in actuality is. You might be thinking jitensha is just a bicycle with an electric motor. You’re wrong. That’s like saying Robocop is just a cop with an awesome helmet.

I have one (1) dance move. But it is beautiful and complex.

Robocop would blow your arm off for even suggesting that.

I fully expect the next technological leap forward to be half human/half jitensha cyborgs – like modern day centaurs. 
Let me put my case another way: Jitensha is the closest you will come to experiencing what it would be like to be drunk Superman.

Fuggin' Lois I seen the way she looksh at Jimmy...

Jitensha combines the rickety unease of a half-century-old bicycle with the relentless power of the motorcycle my legs wish to be when they’re sleeping. Me and my jitensha did that round trip in under 10 minutes, laughing like a maniac the entire way. Well… only I was laughing.  But the red LEDs on jitensha’s handlebars were flashing and winking like Knight Rider’s KITT, so I knew it was pleased.

WHAT IS THIS FEELING? COULD IT BE... I LOVE YOU TOO?

Bonus Fun Activity! Now go back through this blog and substitute the word ‘bicycle’ every time you see jitensha.